Shenanigans on the Poseidon

Posted on Wednesday June 1st, 2022 @ 10:21am by Lieutenant Commander Calvin Hirsch & Commander Sam Perkins

2,228 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: S1-A1-Ep. 2: Our Foremost Virtues
Location: Corridor, Security, Cadet deck
Timeline: Current

ON

-Corridor-

Ever since Ensign Stewart had arrived on the Poseidon. Perkins had wondered, how on Earth had he passed at the academy.He had seen single celled amoebas with more brains then Ensign Stewart.

The guy was dim witted and when you did get anything from him. It was usually just plain ramblings of an idiot. But that had been two weeks ago. Suddenly things had changed.

Stewart’s grades shot up. He was now getting 100 out of 100 on exams , where before it was -50 out of 100. When asked questions he would actually answer them correctly. No um’s or er clear and correct answers. How was he doing it?

Had Ensign Stewart been replaced with an intelligent double , was he on some kind of drug? Maybe he was using telepathic powers. To make everyone think he was smart?

Perkins needed to speak with Calvin. Sam arrived at security and pressed the door chime.

-Security-

"Doors open." Cal had called. Before seeing that it was the Lt. Commander. "Sir." Hirsch stood up from behind his desk. "To what do I owe this pleasure. Sam have a seat please." He dropped the Sir, seeing as Sam was definitely not the character to push around ranking. Sam kept to himself, and when he spoke he excelled. Perkins would be in command halls at Starfleet one day, Hirsch was certain of it.

"I've just ordered myself a green tea. Care for a cup?" He then replicated his own. The computers, the replicators had long been a nuisance onboard. Suddenly we're at 100%.

"Funny. How these things work when you want them to." Cal had then realized he put his foot in his mouth, err, rather forearm if we're talking about what happened to Sam. Which was not a joke in any form. It was sabotage.

Sam waved away the replicator remark. As his grandmother said. ‘ These things are sent to try us.’

“ A cup of tea would be brilliant.100%. Yes. That reminds me. I need your expertise in a small problem.” Sam said

Replicating Sam his same order, Hirsch turned to sit down and hand over a clear glass cup and saucer of green tea. Taking a seat, Hirsch pulled up to his desk computer.

“What can I do for you Sam?” Hirsch asked curiously.

Sam took a sip of his tea.

“ This is good tea. Well now where was I? Oh yes.Ensign David Stewart. Up until two weeks ago he was on the verge of being dropped out for low grades. Then suddenly he is Mr 100% top exam results good grades. Something smells fishy and I am not talking about my friend Lazarus last meal. Ensign Stewart is dim witted and slow to catch on. How he passed out of the academy is beyond my comprehension. There’s got to be shenanigans at work here. Any ideas?” Sam asked

“It’s only green tea.” As in Green Tea always tasted great. “But thank you.” Hirsch acknowledged. He had Sam’s full attention.

Cal couldn’t help but chuckle at Sam’s small joke regarding something being Fishy. “You know.” As Hirsch had the Ensign’s File in front of him now. Calvin couldn’t release sensitive information on the Ensign, but only hear Sam’s concerns and then begin a passive investigation, Hirsch himself. Of course, Sam wasn’t here to read the file. But he would perhaps need to if there were indeed shenanigans occurring.

“Did you speak to Captain Johnson regarding your concerns?” Calvin asked. “I just want to know what level I am starting this investigation.” If concerns warranted Hirsch would re-review all the Ensign’s routines, testing, and reports.

He needed more than just a turnaround in the marks department. “You know, Sam. Myself. Not all of us are top of the class in our first assignments as Ensign. “What else do you have, Sam? Anything at all?”

“ In the exam he took. One of the questions was on photosynthesis in plants. Yesterday when I asked him to talk about photosynthesis he just looked at me. Had no idea what I was talking about.” Sam reported

“Ensign Stewart.” The name was familiar. The face as well. “Ensign Stuart recently passed the phase III security fundamentals and integrity analysis. Again, not a spectacular standout, but yes.” Hirsch lent his scan of the file. Ensign Stuart has now reached a passing grade in his continuing fundamentals onboard.” These were Hirsch’s latest follow-up onboard the Poseidon with the Ensign.

“ Maybe he miss heard heard me. I could be reading him wrong.” Sam said

“No. I do believe there is something to look at. Passively. Since this raised your suspicions, Sam, it has raised mine.” Calvin acknowledged.

“ Is there anyway you could check his exam files for any tampering?” Perkins asked.

“Since Starfleet has the highest standards in encryption and safeguarding our personnel and cadet data onboard. No. It would be next to impossible.” Hirsch then added. “But. Big caveat. We’ve had how many breaches onboard. I should scan the records for a recumbent data trace.

“Digital data is static. Suppose a system is tagged and infiltrated. Say, to raise marks for a job well done….” His mind started to ponder. The various issues are all happening. “Then we should be able to see an energy output for a terminal that states it is uncompromised; its EPS usage could prove otherwise. Fascinating.” Hirsch had come up with an idea.

“Sam. Want to go on a walk… A tour of the Cadet’s deck?” He lent a glint of an idea at hand. They would casually see whom “Ensign Stuart may be celebrating since new marks were sent out on this date.”

“ Normally I would say no. As a normal cheat would be cautious. But this guy is so dumb he’s probably dancing around the Cadet quarters. Celebrating cheating at the exam.” Sam said

-Cadet deck-

The sound of music and laughing met their ears. As the turbo lift car doors opened onto the cadet deck. Perkins looked at Calvin.

“ See.” He said.

Hirsch stood there watching the frat type of scene in front of him. There indeed was a celebration. "CA-DETS!!" Calvin halted the party music instantly.
"What is happening here?! Have you all lost your minds. STAND STRAIT WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!" Hirsch felt good shouting them, boot camp style back into order. Hirsch rarely raised his voice.

Calvin walked straight forward down the hallway, the various crew members in states of dress. Their faces were shocked, solidly standing upright for their Cadet inspection, which could be delivered by any Officer involved in the program on the Poseidon.

Sam walked behind Calvin shaking his head at the Cadets.

“ Is…..” He began but a door opened and someone collided with Perkins knocking him to the ground. The person tried to stand and flee but Sam held on.”Oh no you don’t.”

Ensign Stewart broke free from Sam's grasp. But in his blind panic to flee he ran into Calvin.

"I see violations of Starfleet Cadet codes of conduct." Hirsch mouthed, in disbelief. Standing head to chest in front of the taller head of Security. "WHAT IS THIS RAGS YOUR WEARING!!! GET DRESSED. STARFLEET GREY SWEAT PANTS. The rest of your days onboard, and the little time you will have beyond TRAINING ENSIGN!" Hirsch growled. "NOT a happy camper, Ensign Stuart."

Stuart looked at him and began to laugh. Perkins shook his head in disbelief.

"WHAT IS SO FUNNY CADET" Sam asked.

"He no security officer. Officers don't sleep in tents." The cadet smirked.

Sam moved towards his friend.

"Don't hurt him remember your the head of security." Perkins whispered.

Hirsch lent an ear to Perkin’s and breathed outward. He assured Sam would come off as the confidant, a good guy, that maybe this Ensign Stuart might open too.

“Well. You’ve got quarters duty to attend Ensign. You’ve just left now. I assume you are mere minutes from being late. I don’t want to make you any later then. Hirsch scoffed, raising his hands at the sight of the haphazard scene.

“Assemble the cadets. I have a Security announcement.” Calvin addressed Stuart. “NOW!” He knew he wouldn’t be overstepping the Marines CO, as this was a friendly pep-talk.

Sam could see the dirty looks the other cadets were giving Stuart.

“Someone just dropped out of the other cadets birthday party invite list.” He said to Calvin.

"Alright, Sam." Stated Hirsch. "You're relieved. Except for Ensign Stuart! We will be reviewing the highlights of your latest exam. I want to get into that head of yours." Cal gave a non-plussed grimace at him and extended his forearm wide into the board room of the deck.

Perkins watched the other cadets leave. Was it his imagination or had the temperature risen?

“Why?” Stuart asked.

“Ensign Stuart….Hang on is your first name also Stuart?” Sam asked

“ Yes. But it’s spelt differently.” Stewart replied

“ Ok. Tell me Cadet. What is the H2O known better as?” Perkins asked

“ H I J K L M N O “ Stewart answered.

“ That’s why.” Sam said

"Please, Officers, Cadets. Vacate this room for..." Cal had hummed n hawwwwd "About an hour, please. Me and Ensign Stuart have to review some materials." Hirsch was about to brush up on his Cadet courses and did quite well in his day. A sole finger on the pad pressed to the table and slid forward to Ensign Stuart who was now seated.

“ Can I stay Calvin?” Sam asked

" Of course. I would appreciate your company." Hirsch was glad that Sam was there to play the good cop, bad cop routine.

“ What is this?” Stewart asked

"I need some help in my federation courses and recalling all the work I had done. As I recall, these particular series were death knell exams or the term given to them by the number of weeds it picks up." Hirsch turned to eye at Stuart on that one.

“ Oh. Ok. What do you wish to know?” Stewart asked

"The padd in front of you cadet Stuart. If you will get passed page ONE as a student you will see an index of high scores you excelled. I want to know before I place you in the academic streams." Hirsch held the padd, as he looked at the doorway ensuring in a mock that nobody was around it listening in. "Because I will have to give you a lot harder tasks and it looks here that you excel in spatial dynamics and computational wormhole pre-positioning. Is this so? Can you be the next Zephran Cochrane in our midst?" Calvin played along.

"I want to shower you with attention. You should be the shining example of every cadet out there, Stuart. Yet, your not. Why aren't you helping your fellow class mates, whose scores were... Well, more in line with character and IQ pre-entrance exams stats. You just skyrocketed on the Poseidon." Again Hirsch leaned back and took a drink of the water he was now... "I want you to elect to go to higher exams if this is the case, in exceptional cases the Federation does allow for advanced studies. Mainly these are taken by Vulcan Conscious Computing." He deadpanned for the lie to be told.

What happened next was a surprise to Sam. Cadet Stewart suddenly started to shake his head.

“ Um…….bye!!” Stuart said.

Then he turned and attempted to run out room. But caught his foot on Sam's leg and fell face first on the floor.

“ Oh dang it….” Stewart said and started hitting the floor with his hands and feet. Like a baby having a tantrum.

“ What the?” Perkins said rubbing his shin.

“There, There. There, There.” Hirsch smirked.

“Get up. Get off the floor. Stop kicking.” Cal rolled his eyes at Sam.

“Sam, I apologize. We were discussing that other matter. I now must present Cadet Stuart to the Cadet Commandant at Starfleet. He may have questions of his own. Is it ok if we meet up, soon?” Hirsch lent Lt. Commander Perkin a knowing glance.

“Yes. Do with him as you wish. There is no room for a cheater in our science department.” Sam said wiping his hands.

Hirsch got up and set the pad down in Stuart’s arm as he lay on the floor. He looked as if his life just ended. Well, at least for Starfleet perhaps.

“ I just wanted to be a blue top. That’s all but me brain is all slow. This was me only way off Earth. Me mum will have me in the cafe and married to old smelly breath…..” Stewart said in tears.

“My heart bleeds.”Sam said sarcastically.

“Now Now… Let’s get up off the floor. I’ll make you your favorite drink, and you can tell me all about it before we sit down with Starfleet. I will see you get no extra special treatment from your actions, but I will see what I can about having your re-entrance exams codified.” Cal snarled at Ensign Stuart. “If you cheated on your entrance exams Stuart, that is even far worse, you understand.” It was criminal code serious.

OFF

Lieutenant Leland Hawksley
Chief Security Officer
USS Poseidon

&

Lieutenant Commander Sam Perkins
Chief Science Officer
USS Poseidon

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