Still Shaken

Posted on Sunday January 12th, 2020 @ 1:49am by Commander Kanaka Shakura

1,425 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Shakedown Cruise
Location: U.S.S. Poseidon; Chief Counsellor's Office, Deck 6
Timeline: Day 000 - 1220 Hours
Tags: Post-Departure, Post-Fighter Incident, Counselling

Neteri was still shaking from the questioning. It was horrible to have to relive the whole death of Pavan. He was slightly more than her boss. She was taken by his personality and the fact he was a fellow pilot who shared a great deal of her likes and hobbies. He was someone she could talk to and confide in as well. Not having him around now to console her hurt more than anyone knew. Even though the counsellor was there with her, it was still very hard to deal with. Neteri was surprised when the counsellor spoke to her telepathically. However she agreed and left her quarters, red eyed from crying, and arrived shortly at the door of the counsellors office. Hitting the chime she waited, tears still running down her cheeks.

Kana had recommended that Neteri go and take a little bit of time to have a sonic shower and change into something more comfortable before coming to see her in her office. In those few minutes before the Wing Commander came to join her, Kana simply sat at her desk and rubbed her eyes in frustration. "Where had it all gone wrong?" She wondered, still unsure of what had happened on the Bridge that morning, the image of Lieutenant Freya being escorted to her quarter's still fresh in her mind. Then of course there was the Fighter incident which the crew was still diligently trying to get to the bottom of; both separate incidents, just mighty inconvenient that they happened on the same day. This first day of the shakedown, of all days.

"Lieutenant Shannon, are you ready to join me in my Office?" Kana had chosen to speak telepathically to Neteri as she realised that this was going to require a more personal Betazoid touch; the Wing Commander was her senior in age and the strong emotions she felt in this moment were seeping out of her in a way that gave the Chief Counsellor great concern for her psychological well-being.

Soon enough the chime at her door rang. "Come!" She called out as she cleared her throat and stood, hands behind her back. When the doors slid open and Neteri's broken visage stood there - clearly having not been able to shower as she suggested - Kana pulled a concerned look as she made her way over and helped the Lieutenant come inside. Saying nothing, she took her over to one of the lounge chairs and got her to sit and take some tissues before proceeding to get some fresh water from the replicator. Once she had that, she brought it over to the table and compelled Neteri to drink some.

Still silent, she waited patiently as she allowed Neteri to grieve and compose herself. "There, there. Deep breaths." She would say every so often in a very hushed and gentle voice as and when required.

"I loved him deeply! I never got the chance to tell him either. Now he is gone and I am alone again!" Neteri told Kana telepathically.

It was immediately obvious to Kana that these feelings must have developed rather suddenly, considering the short amount of time both Neteri and Pavan had gotten to know each other, but that didn't mean that it made those feelings any less genuine. As a fellow Betazoid she knew how it did sometimes happen that older Betazoid females were quicker to make such intimate bonds, but that was by no means a universal rule and was also a potential sign of an illness which inflicted their species, though the Chief Counsellor didn't want to entertain that thought just yet.

She continued to try and console Neteri. "I am sorry for your loss, but listen to me: you are not alone. The crew is here for you; I am here for you. We all have a responsibility to resolve what happened, but sometimes the answers are never clear. I understand that you weren't happy with Lieutenant Karn's questioning, but it helps us find those answers.

Looking at the counsellor, "I feel so lost and alone right now. It's as if I have just lost the better part of my life," Neteri said. She was depressed and she felt so alone despite the crew being there for her. It wasn't like her to show this much emotion but deep down she had hidden traumas she had buried years ago had started to emerge.

Switching back to speaking now, as it seemed Neteri was too emotionally exhausted to communicate telepathically, Kana spoke. "Why do you feel so alone, Neteri? Has this happened before?" It was starting to become an obvious possibility to Chief Counsellor that this strong emotional attachment and reaction was the result of more deeper-seated traumas than may have been initially apparent.

Shaking her head, "Basically I am alone within myself. It is almost as if...nothing else exists other than phantoms from the past.", Neteri said. "Things that happened in the past are trying to interfere with me living", she added.

"What phantoms?" The Chief Counsellor asked her softly, placing both her hands on Neteri's shoulders. "Can you show me?" She asked, referring to creating a telepathic connection so that she could feel what she was.

Neteri's eyes went wide! "You want me to show you......and you want to feel....it? Counselor, it took a Vulcan master to help me control these phantoms," she said panicking. "Please counselor I beg of you......suddenly Neteri crumbled into a ball...shaking uncontrollably. Her eyes were closed tightly as if in pain, "no....no please you can't take him away from me please....he will die! Please Chancellor Bretak. He won't survive on his own, we are linked to each other! Please......" Neteri screamed. Moaning softly, "T'Pal please I am alone, he has been taken from me.....I am alone again. How do I live with the loneliness of being only one again. I can't deal with it anymore...." she said. Frightened and alone her mind took hold of her past phantoms, and one by one they surfaced. Frightening images of death and loneliness, pain and hurt danced in her mind. Her emotions now in concert with the visions in her mind played out until Neteri fell unconscious exhausted.

The Chief Counsellor had to act quickly. It was clear now that Neteri was starting to suffer from a serious relapse into these "phantoms" that she described, something that Kana knew was a known phenomena among some of her kind, particularly more senior women. It was painful to watch even for a few seconds. Placing her hands as gently as she could on the sides of the Flight Leader's temple, Kana tried as best she could to use her telepathic abilities to help calm the torrent that was sweeping the traumatised pilots' mind.

Kana felt like she was being swept up into the eye of a storm. Strong, deep-cutting feelings of rejection and emotional pain. Some of the strongest that she had ever experienced. She pressed on, trying to guide Neteri's exhausted mind to more pleasant memories, but as it dragged on for a few minutes - which for them felt like hours - it became apparent to Kana that they were few and far between. She refused to give up though, and eventually she found a quiet place in her mind to shield her and let her rest, just as Neteri finally passed out.

With a cold sweat and heavy breath, Kana eventually brought herself back to reality as she felt herself on the floor, Neteri curled up in front of her, finally at some peace. Kana felt exhausted - she had to expend a lot of energy to pull off what she had just done - but she couldn't allow herself to pause for long. Checking that Neteri's pulse was healthy and that she was in the recovery position, the Chief Counsellor pressed her commbadge. Slowing her breathing, she eventually spoke.

=^= "Lieutenant Commander Shakura to Sickbay: I'm going to need some assistance in my office. Lieutenant Shannon has passed out from exhaustion and needs attention." =^=

A few seconds later came a hurried response. =^= "Sickbay to Shakura: Understood, Commander. We're on our way!" =^=

Breathing a short sigh of relief, Kana then slumped down next to Neteri. Casting sorrowful eyes over her, she gently took hold of the Lieutenant's shoulder and squeezed it. "I promise, Neteri, we will solve this."

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